A Sweet and Powerful, Positive Obsession
The quotes below are from Octavia Butler’s Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents. The series is about a mid and post-apocalyptic society, but I found a way to turn it into a writing workshop.
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“And a sweet and powerful
Positive obsession
Blunts pain,
Diverts rage,
And engages each of us”
This quote has proven to be true, for me.
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“I don’t have all of it yet. I don’t even know how to pass on what I do have. I’ve got to learn to do that. It scares me how many things I’ve got to learn”
I’m an aspiring writer – although, I write and therefore I am a writer, but I know what I mean: I’m not a good / decent / certainly not a prolific writer, yet – with very little to show for it. I have so many stories I’d like to tell, but I’m hesitant in approaching all of them because I “don’t have all of it yet.” “All of it” being all of the tools / tricks of a good writer – whatever that means. As Lauren (the protagonist in Parable of the Sower) aptly reflects: “I’ve got to learn to do that.” I’ve got to learn to be a good writer (for myself)! I’m proud that I’m taking steps towards doing that. Being in a (virtual) classroom setting for this creative writing certification – homework and all – has had a positive impact on my writing. At the very least, all of the reading and writing assignments about reading and writing and language has gotten me more comfortable with the skill / practice of writing a lot. I’m saying that I’ve had a lot of homework — which I did not miss about being a student — and that homework has broken down at least one barrier to entry to becoming a good writer – writing more, more frequently. All that to say, I’m learning. I’ve got to learn to write.
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“All I do is observe and take notes, trying to put things down in ways that are as powerful, as simple, and as direct as I feel them. I can never do that. I keep trying, but I can’t. I’m not good enough as a writer or poet or whatever it is I need to be. I don’t know what to do about that. It drives me frantic sometimes. I’m getting better, but so slowly.”
Observing and taking notes isn’t all I do, but I’m constantly frustrated at my inability to write what it is I’m thinking. I’ve felt this frustration since I was a kid. I’d have something on my mind, feel the need to communicate it and spend so much time looking for the right words that the moment for communicating would pass. My fixation on communicating thoughts led me to a lot of reading, which led me to a lot of writing, which has led me to the same shit, different pot. I find myself thinking “I’m not good enough as a writer or poet or whatever,” and “I’m not sure what to do about that”. Of course, I do know what to do about that – keep writing and then write some more –, but the progress I’m making feels very slow.
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“I don’t know how to do it. That scares me to death sometimes – always feeling driven to do something I don’t know how to do. But I’m learning as I go along.”
I feel I’m belabering my point with this one, but Butler kept reaching into the present from the past, taking the words directly from my mind and putting them into the context of her book. In the midst of writing these books, Butler would write about writing. Conveniently, the character Lauren, is a writer. Therefore, even within the context of an apocalyptic dystopian hellscape, taking time to lament about the struggles of a writer is appropriate. I love Octavia Butler.
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In conclusion, my positive obsessions include writing and Octavia Butler.
